Olivia and Tom cut their cake at Chatham Bars Inn without an announcement. Nobody was called over to watch, it simply unfolded in front of their parents and a few friends. It is something we recommend to nearly every couple we photograph, and these are our reasons.
What a Private Cake Cutting Is
A private cake cutting is exactly what it sounds like. The two of you cut the cake at a quiet moment in the evening, with us and perhaps the catering captain nearby, instead of in front of a crowd gathered by a microphone. The caterer then slices and serves it as dessert. Nothing about the cake changes. Only the audience does.
Why We Recommend It
It keeps the party going. The cake cutting has long been a signal. Emily Post's etiquette column notes that it traditionally tells guests it is fine to head home. If the band stops and everyone circles up, some of them will take the hint. Cut it quietly and the dance floor never empties.
You get a few minutes alone. A wedding day has very few of those after the ceremony. South of Indigo told The Wed that couples should step away for five or ten minutes to be alone together. A private cake cutting builds that into the night without anyone having to plan it.
The photographs are better. Without a ring of guests holding up phones, we can work close, light the two of you properly and take our time. Hannah and Max cut theirs from behind a bank of flowers at Cedar Lakes Estate. Marianna and Greg cut The Pridwin's three-tier white cake, dressed with berries and hydrangea, under a red-and-white striped awning with palms behind them. Neither picture needed an audience.
Nobody stands around. A public cake cutting asks a couple of hundred people to stop what they're doing and wait. A private one asks nothing of them, and dessert gets to the tables sooner.
When to Do It
Our favorite time is cocktail hour. Maria and Andrew cut their cake the moment they first saw their reception space, while their guests were still out having a drink, and so did Tressa and Graham. The room was set and empty, the light was lovely, and they still looked the way they had at the ceremony, a few hours before anyone was sweating on a dance floor. Nobody had to stop the party later on to gather around. Unless you want a moment built entirely around the cake, this is the route we love.
Make it stand out
It is not the only good one. Some couples wait for a lull between courses, or for much later in the night. Haley and David cut Everything Lulu's round cake, topped with berries, long after the dancing had started, Haley in a shorter dress with thin straps and David down to his suspenders.
Whatever you choose, tell your planner and the caterer, so the cake knife is ready and someone knows to slice it right afterward, and tell us so we are there. If you want to save the top tier for your first anniversary, ask the caterer to box it before the cake goes out.
If You Want Everyone to Watch
Some couples love the show, and that is fine too. Ericka had been looking forward to Luckybird Bakery's lemon crème fraîche cake for a very long time, and at Cafe Erzulie she pushed a piece of it into Caleb's face. She lists it among her favorite moments of the day. If that is your plan, keep it short, have the band cue it while everyone is already on the dance floor, and get straight back to the music.
At Lyford Cay Club, Liv and Tommy's guests followed them inside after dinner for the cake, and the dancing started right after. Done that way, the cake cutting becomes the start of the party instead of pausing it.
If You Skip the Cake
Plenty of our couples have. Emily and Berry had a dessert table at Celestine with a honey almond cake and a Turkish coffee chocolate mousse. Allison and Ronan served fried chicken and chocolate chip cookies. Kelsey and Chris had no cake at all. The idea still holds whatever is on the plate: take a minute with each other, a little apart from the room, and let us photograph it.
Planning Your Reception
We're Trent and Dara, a husband-and-wife team in DUMBO, and we've been photographing weddings for almost twenty years, on 35mm and medium format film alongside digital. BRIDES named us one of the 50 best wedding photographers in the world. You can see more of the couples above in Olivia and Tom's Chatham Bars Inn wedding, Haley and David's Glynwood wedding and Ericka and Caleb's Wythe Hotel wedding. When we plan the evening with you, we will ask how you want to handle the cake. Reach out and tell us about your day.